I’ll never judge you through someone else’s eyes.

Yesterday I did something I’d never done a few years ago.

The me I was then didn’t have the confidence, or courage to be who I am now. 

I owe everything to the pain I’ve lived.

I was still afraid, small and happy being invisible, even though it killed me that nobody really new who I was.

It’s funny to be in that place, desperately seeking to be seen while completely comfortable being invisible. It’ll tear you apart inside, it did me anyways.

Not in the way you’d think though. Not in a punch in the gut kinda way, but in tiny little micro tears, kinda way.

You don’t notice it until it’s really uncomfortable, it can be achey and painful, tense, stressful, or even depressing…and usually feels like it came no where.

I used to be so frustrated, and it’s funny now, because the reasons I was frustrated then I see completely differently.

Back then I felt like people weren’t interested in listening to me or hearing what I had to say, I doubted myself and decided it was easier just to be quite.

I was in a position to educate people, to help them heal and understand themselves better but I felt like nobody cared.

I felt like I was just a useless puppet going through the motions of what was expected of me and having to disregard my own inner knowing, education and experience.

I wasn’t allowing my full presence, and it wasn’t their fault.

It enraged me because I had things to say, I had knowledge and understanding that I wanted so desperately to share with them!

In the midst of frustration it never came out right, I would try to communicate it to them but my words didn’t match my energy. I’d try to tell them of the amazing intelligence of their bodies in a way that caused defensiveness and protection from us both.

The energy of peace, calm confident knowing wasn’t there to back my words. They were empty and meant something completely different then what I was trying to convey. The words didn’t matter, my frustration and defensiveness killed them every time.

I was setting unknowingly myself up for failure before I entered the situation, prepared to defend myself, prepared for them not listen, and not to care. I was working against the actions I was trying so hard to take.

I didn’t understand what was happening, I just knew that I was frustrated, to the point of tears. I struggled a lot in trying to figure out what was wrong with me!

Maybe it was my clients, I thought, and the people I surround myself with? Maybe they just aren’t the right people for me, they clearly don’t understand me.

So, I changed my conditions. I even fired clients I didn’t feel were willing to work with me at a level a wanted. I was quite frankly tired of rubbing lotion on their problems to the point I wanted to scream!

I knew there had to be a different way, a new way! I just couldn’t see it yet. I bounced back and forth from jumping in full speed, and quitting all together!

I’d often ask myself, “Why am I doing this anyways, I’m driving myself mad trying to help people get rid of what’s wrong with them!”. It was something, I knew I didn’t want to keep living.

The absolutely glorious thing about when everything seems to be going wrong, is that it’s never really gone wrong. On the other side is always clarity, always! It just depends on how long it takes us to see it, to find it or to even know where to look.

Every time I pass through a storm, I feel it’s power.

I feel it shaking my very experience of reality and sometime it scares the shit out of me…and then I pop out of the other side, laughing at the how real the storm can be. It’s something to be appreciated, not feared and avoided.

It’s something that will always be a incredibly necessary part of life, and the more we fear it, fight it and resist it, the more painful it is. You have everything you need to weather the shit out of any storm life can cook up, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.

The skills I’ve acquired from simply participating in life are f*cking priceless. The person I am today would be nothing without the downright madness I’ve experienced in this world. 

Something as simple as what I was able to do yesterday, seems so small and insignificant in some respects, but profound as shit in others. Life shaping to be quite honest. 

This beautiful little Yoga Studio called The Mantra Maven just moved to our small mountain town, with the sweetest bright young woman running it. There’s so much love, care and creation that’s gone into this space, I’m grateful she’s here.

They had the grand opening yesterday and I was feeling a little “off”, I hadn’t made plans to go with anyone else and I knew I wouldn’t really know anyone, other than meeting them a couple times.

I started to feel nervous, even stupid for showing up alone.

When I was in high school I’d be stricken with fear and anxiety at the thought of walking into the lunch room, or a basketball game where everyone could see me.

I felt like everyone was looking at me and I was terrified that I’d do something stupid, or look stupid or be wearing the wrong clothes, or the wrong hair…maybe it was my face!

I honestly don’t know how I managed to make myself go and do those things. I can’t imagine how I though it was normal to feel that way, I didn’t know what else to do. I was living a scared little portion of who I truly was capable of being and I had no guidance.

I felt so alone. 

But that’s okay, like I said before, I owe everything to that girl. She was terrified and brave all at the same time. Without her incredible desire to see the world through the pain she felt I would not be who I am now.

I’m grateful, to love her this much, not to condemn my traumas or pain, but to congratulate my power and presence. 

All of my life has helped me develop skills of confidence, security, connection and communication. I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own presence. I’ve never been this happy to take me everywhere.

I thought it was the pain, symptoms and depression I needed to get rid of but the pain was there because I was living without myself for so long, not because something was wrong with me!

Now I realize that it’s not an indicator of what’s wrong, but a helpful reminder that it’s ME I’m looking for. That I’ve been without my own presence for too long, and it feels really bad.

So often, we settle into this place of discomfort and pain, accepting it as “who we are” and treating ourselves accordingly. Medicating, fixing, and condemning ourselves in a way that never lets us truly see the way out.

There is another way, and you are not alone. 

Yesterday, I was able to show up, and walk in with confident ease. I wasn’t worried about how people saw me, or if it was dumb to be there alone.

I knew I was welcome in my own presence, and the beautiful thing about living in an environment like that, is everyone else feels welcome in your presence too.

I never would have been able to talk to complete strangers, let alone feel comfortable enough to sit down have food and chat about completely random and wonderful stories. I honestly felt like I left there having made new friends. I know I made new connections.

I love being able to allow myself to BE in myself such a way that I get to witness others in their comfortable beings too! 

I will never judge you or anything else through the eyes of another, because I can’t wait to see what you look like through mine.

Everyone deserves to be seen for who they are, loved and accepted and embraced. Welcomed as the beautiful expression of life that you are. 

I’m grateful to have this ability, to remember how to access it and most of all, I’m grateful to know that it’s available to everyone. I choose only to see what’s present in you, nothing less and it’s my absolute pleasure to help you see it too.

I’ve spent years working with people in getting rid of their symptoms, tension, pain and dysfunctions…and in my opinion it’s a waist of time.

I was miserable, and so were my clients. When you work form the same approach for decades and the problems are still there, it’s time to give up the good fight and try something new. 

I can no longer work to get rid of what’s wrong with you because I can’t see it anymore. All I see is years of valuable resources back logged and ready to be integrated!

Every time we suffer, we ask. We ask for more courage, more confidence, more patience, more comfort, acceptance, peace, more love…and every time you ask it is given.

You basically just placed an Amazon Prime order, that shit is on your doorstep right now! The question is when’s the last time you check “the porch”? Not to mention. where the hell is the front porch in this scenario!? (Don’t worry, I help you find it.)

In order for your body to heal and relieve everything from pain and tension to stress and depression, even to rectify disease itself,  it has too have access to the orders it’s placed. 

The “front porch” of your life has a shit load of unopened packages because you haven’t opened the door yet, your busy doing things and working hard to fighting off the unwanted.

You get into these nasty habits of worrying about how to do this and accomplish that, survive this and avoid that, you’ve forgot about the orders your placing.

In fact you’ve placed the same order SO many damn times, it’s a little ridiculous.

I’s like a automatic Amazon Prime system you forgot you had. When you ask it is given, I don’t know if you’ve heard that before but I sure have! 

The work is done, the packages have arrived, and holy shit do you have a lot of packages to open! How exciting is that!? You aren’t even gonna remember the stuff you ordered, you’ve been doing it for so long.

It’s clear to me now that my place as a Health & Wellness Practitioner is to help you open those packages and receive the happy healthy life you’ve ordered!

Oh good lord, how much better can it get than that. It’s like your Birthday at every session, and there are so many presents waiting for you right now, patiently waiting… are you ready!?

It’s okay if you didn’t realize what was happening. Nobody’s really told us about this before.

We’ve been living from some really old guys perspectives of how things work and they might not work that way anymore. (They don’t, for sure.)

They’re really convincing! You forgot that your body was designed to take care of you, keep you comfy and even heal you, while you explore the wonders of this world.

You forgot that When You Ask it is Given, scientifically, spiritually, religiously, it’s a thing. 

Your body always has what it needs to help you navigate life, to feel confident in your self, and to trust the resources you have. It will even assist you in connecting with others than can help.

Not to mention ease shoulder tension, relieve painful symptoms and improve bodily functions (these are just a given, and lovely little bonuses).

You’re amazing, and you deserve to have all that’s available to you.

You deserve to open the packages you’ve ordered and enjoy the life you’ve created. It’s there waiting for you right now, I promise. I’ve seen it.

It’s my absolute pleasure to help you find the things that belong to you, new and old, so you can finally receive the life you’ve been waiting SO long for and I had no idea where it was.”

I love you. You deserve to love you too!

xo- Jayme Kay Gunderson